Okay this one may not always seem like a fun idea, especially when all of your friends are having flings and not thinking about a ring. And honestly it depends on what you want and if you’re conscious of your future or not.
I have been very conscious of my future for as long as I can remember. I’ve always been one to dream about my prince charming and the man who will love me forever. When you’re little it’s easy to wait and dream like that. But as you get older it gets harder to sit back and wait while the rest of your friends are going out on dates or having small flings with guys they like. That has always been one of the hardest things for me. So I finally decided…
“Hey everyone else is doing it so why can’t I?”
That was not one of the best decisions I’ve made recently. So anyways, I decided to have some fun with a guy I knew, knowing that he wasn’t looking for a relationship to come out of it and that it was just for fun. And I won’t lie, it was fun, I felt liberated at the time and was on top of the world. That lasted for about a week and a half and then we were done. All was going to be fine right?
I hit a major wall. I had grown attached and I knew I couldn’t be because that wasn’t what he was looking for. It’s like when you like someone and they don’t like you back, but way worse, because you’ve been in close proximity with that person and been a bit intimate with them. (I did not go all the way, but they way I was attached and felt afterwards you’d have thought I had). When you share something with someone, whether it’s a kiss or the whole package, you connect yourself to them in a way that really can’t be undone. And then once it’s over and done with, girl, it hurts bad.
I didn’t know that I could be that sad; and that I could be that way for so long. But I wasn’t just sad, I felt empty and I didn’t have much will power to do anything (which isn’t great with classes and homework that has to be done). My friends got pretty worried about me because I’m usually a very happy and somewhat carefree person. I was close to going to the counselors at my school, that’s how down and out I felt, I couldn’t motivate myself for much at all. I had several breakdowns, including a huge one right before I left for Easter break (thankfully I had a great girlfriend to get me through it).
It honestly took me a good month or two to get back to normal (including a talk with my mom, I don’t know what I’d do without her). And it still hits me from time to time and I lapse back for a few days to a week.
I’m getting through it though and I learned something important for myself. I’m not someone who can have flings with guys just for fun. It doesn’t work for me. I cant be lovey-dovey with a person who doesn’t care for me in that way. I will only be in relationships from now on (I still have yet to have my first), and only if I see the potential of spending forever with that guy.
I will be going on with a ring in mind and skipping over all the flings because they are simply not worth it for me.