There he was.
He was glancing at his phone when something made me walk right up to him and ask a question for the Bible study I led. He gave a wonderful explanation that gave me respect for him and I walked away, quite proud of myself.
About 6 months ago, I wrote about the stage almost every girl goes through; wanting a boyfriend. Well, ladies, things have happened. I had found that common ground of trusting that I will find a man when I am ready, and being content and working on myself while waiting. And I’m not saying that happened over night, and I’m not saying it’s easy. But you DO get there.
Well, that boy I mentioned up there? After I asked him that question, I could NOT get him off my mind. It was driving me insane, especially when he remembered my name the day after. I tried not to get a crush because a boy that good looking would surely have a girlfriend.
Long story short, he didn’t have a girlfriend. (whaaaa?) AND, to surprise me even further, he wanted to see if we should take this a step further – dating (or, at least, see if we should date). (double whaaaaaa) So, then commenced the meeting of the parents. (which, he technically already had, but this time it wasn’t just a “hello, my name is ____. May I take your daughter with us to Chick-Fil-A.”) This was a serious interrogation in which my parents would give him an answer to his question.
So, not to bore you with details, but, my parents told him their rules; we couldn’t actually DATE, and because I am a package deal (with me comes all of my family, y’know), if he wanted to start hanging out with us (as a friend) he could most certainly do that. And he decided he would try it out.
However, this summer was a big summer for the both of us – I’m starting my senior year in high school, and he is starting his freshman year of college. Both of us wanted it to work out (I think…), but we were both quite busy and I think we caught each other at the wrong time.
I still don’t have his number. He doesn’t have mine. That was one of the rules. And while yes, I do wish I had his number, I honestly don’t think that would’ve changed how much we saw of each other this summer.
So ladies, here are a few things I learned from my not-even-dating experience.
1.) If he’s not willing to play by you and your parents’ rules, don’t even think about it. This young man was willing, and in all honesty, I’m not going to settle for anyone who isn’t willing to play by our rules. Especially my own.
2.) Make sure you have time for each other. If you’re in a position in your life where he might be or may become something you just check off, that’s not fair to either of you.
You don’t want to be pushed off to the side and neither does he.
3.) Don’t go down a road you can’t see yourself finishing. Meaning: dating needs a purpose. And not a purpose to have fun, but an end goal of either getting married or parting ways.
This goes back to my time-spending points. I wasn’t going to be in a relationship with him unless I could see myself finishing that road. At the beginning, I thought I might be able to, in a few years. (like… after college) But the less I saw of him, the more unanswered questions I had. And I’m sure he had his own unanswered questions about “us”.
Now, one thing I do NOT want to do is be bitter that it didn’t work out or bitter at boys in general. I think I’ve let a few comments slide which I wish I could clap back into my mouth, but I can’t. And the last thing is, I think from every relationship – boyfriend, best friend, whoever – you should leave that person better than you found them. (If you’re not helping people change for the better, what are you doing?)
So, was I ready to find a man? I thought… maybe. I dipped my toe into the pool. And while I am sad it didn’t work out, I do feel hopeful that I’m one step closer to finding the one God has got out there for me somewhere.
God’s got someone out there for you, too. Just trust and hope in His timing.
“Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” – Psalm 27:14
“You say, ‘I choose the appointed time; it is I who judge with equity” – Psalm 75:2
by Victoria Richardson
Photo by Morgan Sessions on Unsplash